{Friday, April 28, 2006 YY
28th April 2006,,
and it's drawing closer. it's days away. i'm scaredd. because i know i'm not preparedd. and i know i should be studying and yet something's holding me back. and it's the feeling of procrastination that's enveloping me yet again. andd i'm standing in front of the path of doom. and failure's just up ahead. and success is somewhere, far, far away. and i'm afraid that even before i reach the end, i'll fall into the depths of an endless path thaat leads me to failure. and then i'd die slowly, because if i fail, i'm ruinedd. and even so, why am i not the least bit even trying to study. i'm so disappointedd. in myself. at how i've been acting. and what i've been doing. andd ariel, where did your sense of responsibilty go to? have you even forgotten the need for study?? and the motivvation for study dies down.. and my goals are lowered or maybe somehow it's fading.. fading so fast that i'm losing sight of whhat i want to achieve in my life.
and as i walk home, i ponder over things in my life and realise how far i strayed frm god at a point of time.. what happened to me? and i'm so disappointedd in myself. how could i ever abandon my father in heaven, my creator, and my maker. and even so, he saw me through my toughest times. and i'm so deeply ashamed. and as i make my comeback. and as i run back to him, to embrace him ever so tightly, i am contented. because i somehow seemed to have forgotten how wonderful it is to be in his presence... and it's been so long. and i've missed my time spent with him.. it's a wonder how i survied days without him. maybe because no matter what, he still loves me and is still there for me, never abandoning me like i did. and it makes me realise how stupid. and dumb i was to run away from him... to stray so far. it's like, straying and walking away from the light source. and it made my life so dark, so dim, it was hardly possible for me to find my way out.. :(
school's been as usual, quite routinery. hectic. and stuff. i miss the times i went out shopping and doing things i like to do. i miss the times hanging out with my friends and just catching up. and most importantly, i miss just being a little kid. now that there's just so much responsibilty and commitment that you have, it's impossible to just fool around like when you were young and so carefree. when you could spend long hours talking on the phone and not worry bbout the upcoming test the next day. or when you could sleep for as long you like and know that there wasnt any homework needed to be handed in the next day... and when you could watch serial dramas after serial dramas till late and not have to worry about how you'll never make it to school on time because you'd probably never wake up late anyways. it sucks alot and i cant wait for the holidays. i want to be a small kid again. :(
Te extrano, me haces falta, te echo de menos. and i wish you were here.
a wave of crappiness just zoomed past me. wonderful.. -.-
and now you're gone. right?
- Riel
;`9:28 PM
{Tuesday, April 25, 2006 YY
25th April 2006,,
and happy birthday evaa!! :) it's good to be thriteen aint it?! LOL that's a lie. .. going over to benn's was quite nice. i suppose. ..?? and science mids are coming so close. and it's terrible. i'm going to fail if i dont set my priorities right..
Miss Or made half the class sit outside to finish our physics hw today. and of course, one of them was me! Tskk, i didnt even know that we had to do it. oh wells, it was quite fun i suppose. though, quite guilty. she clearly was disappointedd in 1M. Elena, me and michelle were discussing answers. it was funny. ..
and i hope mt merapi erupts soon!! Not that i want to see more people die. But if it erupts and the winds blow the 'smoke' to singapore and then NO SCHOOL!!!!! because of the poisonous fumes and gases.. i'm wishing for it to erupt really soon. lol.
and i've been quite distracted lately. it's quite irritating actually. but oh wells. and i'm in a dilemma. My priorities over my selfish needs and wants. pros over cons. to go or not to go? RAWRRR,, it's bullshit.. :(
and suddenly this life seems so shitted. no wait, this life has always been shittedd. mmms, i cant wait for school to endd. to close down and die.... stupid stupid stupidd.. what's the point of school when all you do is go to school to study and clog your brain with info and then die halfway due to stress?!!?! RAWRR.
and let's see, i have hw to do.
1. Procedures.
2. Math WS
3. Physics Test paper.
4. Physics WB [of which i finished at benn's house when she made me study and she was folding stars!!! unfair!!]
5. Ting Xie tmrw.
i think that's about it. haiix. looks like it's back to late nights. my kor's getting angry at me already for sleeping too late! hahas.
andd we're never the same
-Riel .saranghaeyo.
;`8:43 PM
{Monday, April 24, 2006 YY
24th April 2006,
level chapel.
SUCCESS!! :) i guess the end results was good. i loved it, i ended up writing all the prayers. except the first one was editeddd. LOL it was crazy.. he was with us. he is our miraculous father. he clamed our hearts down and was there with us throughout the service. YAY!! it was fantastic larrs!! better than what we hoped to achieve? or maybe what we really wantedd to achieve. and although it's sad to see not many people engaging or even opening their mouths to sing, i guess there are a few.. a few who really made me smile.. :P and all thanks to god for he is so great. (:
and i'm sniffing. flu i suppose. Pssible Reasons for my flu.
1. I am tired.
2. i caught a cold.
i think it's both. Sighh, i suck. always having a flu. oh wells. the rain was nice. it rained really heavily. and i sat at the bus stop just enjoying the breeze and on occasions, dirty water would splash closely to my face. but of course, it never touched! tskk. Ended up giving my mum a call and she fetched me home. it was like a minute drive, which wasted petrol i know. but i didnt want to jay walk and risked being spashed by dirty road water. And so, i called her. and waited. standing close to the rain and the awesome breeze.
and i'm ditracted. Partly why i decided to break away from studying and to blogg. Studied for my higher chi test already. i'm quite determined to pass this time. And now that i know how sucky it feels to fail, i dont want to ever fail again. it actually pains. :P mms, all i'm hoping is that my studying actually pays off. and i'm so distracted. it's been hard to concentrate on studying for chinese and i have a physics paper to finish, and i'm wondering, what am i to do!?!!?
just had my supper. i just realisedd that my dad is super random. hahas.. oh wells. it's abck to physics paper. i'm quite whooshed off. i want to tear it to pieces and burn it. RAWRR!!
and why is it that everytime i ty to fall asleep, i always succeed in thinking about things that i never should even be thinking about. and why is it that i'm so sure i'm losing you?? bit by bit?
'm scared of what could possibly happen..
and my life seems so chaotic. i'm in a messs... and could we be more than just amazing??
cross trng was quite slack in a sense i suppose. 25 mins there, 25 mins back. wasnt doing my best. and my hips feels like it's dying on me.. i want to fold stars. and i miss you... (:
and i'm distractedd.
- Riel
;`9:45 PM
{Saturday, April 22, 2006 YY
22nd April 2006.
i think i blogged a little too late. it's supposedly sunday now. but oh wells. Service was really good todayy. and i sensed the lord's presence just moving.. i suppose he is really amazing ehhs?
macs was full of shiatt. seriously shitty. maybe because i was mixedd. maybe because i was thinking too much. because i'm pathetic. ..
23 more weeks. it's quite fast. a week has passed. well, nearly. and i guess it 23 more weeks for me before i'm finally set freee? or maybe, even after 23 weeks, i wont ever have the guts to do anything. hahas. but then when it's over then i'll see.but for now, i'm just hoping to survive my 23 weeks.. :)
i'm tired of feeling this way i must admit. but what choice do i have. it was a decision i made and i suppose it's only right for me to do what i decided long ago to do.. and it sucks how from a happy me, my mood went psycho and yupps, i'm quite miserable. that's me i suppose. forever problematic. oh wells, it doesnt matter.
macs was quite nice and sucky. towards the end, it was superr sucky. i wont really bother saying whyy. .. chet, eugene and co is really funny. fuel was quite nice i suppose. :)
and i'm mixxeddd.. - why is it that when i needed you, you werent there?
it's that weird feeling of well mixedd. weird crazy feeling that's inside. i'm trapped in a maze.. i want to go outt. i want to go home... someone save me. and i wish for my superhero to come flying to save me. but that's not going to happen. i know that.
this sucks. ALOT and ALOT.
and i'm back to square one again. i'm pathetic.
- Riel
;`11:58 PM
{Friday, April 21, 2006 YY
21st April 2006--
time passes just too fast. it's friday yet again... yupps, yet again. i guess i'm quite satisfied. Due to PFT, SALT was cancelled. Went for lunch with benn and yay! we had time to catch up! lunch was good we took about 2 hours to eat finishh, talked ALOT and erhemm erhemm, we teasedd like well, quite ALOT too. Then we didnt want to go home so we left and decided to head for holland V. going into starbucks, with mmms, like 8 bucks flat plussed together, we could only manage to buy 1 oreo cheesecake and 1 chocolaty muffin. Satisfying? probably?! want more? OBVIOUSLY! cheesecake taste so good. yeow was nice enough to come earlier to lend us money, but after that, we kinda realised we didnt need money.. sooo.. hehhs. sorry!! =((
And he's EVIL!! didnt let me have any cheesecake! HUMPH! evil evil evil!!!! ): *boxboxbox*
Level chapel's all straightened out. everything's in place now except for prayer. it sucks to know that you're praying and your teacher has to vet it and it sucks EVEN MORE that she wont let you use the prayer you wrote but instead, you have to use a prayer written by someone else. i mean, it so totally defeats the purpose of a prayer. a prayer is for you to pray to god. by yourself. it's like between you and god. not for you to be reading your friend's prayers. in the first place, you dunt even need to rread your friend's prayers because three quaters of the time, it's verbally said out and not written!!!
Values Ed was on stress. it was quite fun. and our class seriously is divided into cliques, like i didnt know. and it's quite sad larr, like everytime, you see the same people left out and stuff. and it so happens that the people i actually hang out with have more than 5 and stuff and then you have no choice but to find another group and then it's super outt. i'm always with mergii so we're both like outcasts. it's quite a funny sight i suppose. sad and funny. bittersweet? sadd in some ways that if you see it, it's quite crappy for both of us. and funny in a way, we always go psycho over who's in our group and laugh away. so yeahhs, a mixture of both..
and what happens if suddenly, the one thing that i feared could ever happened to me happened. and what if the thing i knew that would affected me most affected me. what if my heart was broken into pieces and it fell into the sea.. floating away, fragments all lost. gone, forever. how would i be able to pick myself up? knowing that everytime i'd see you, i'd get crushedd.. what happens if i gave up? would everything go back to normal? back to where it was before...??
questions. random questions, probabbly what i'm thinking. i'm suddenly quite off but nvm, it doesnt matter. OH! the game yeow's friend was playing with his supposed girlfriend, is sooo cute! i saw this other couple playing that game at the bus stop outside KAP. maybe it's the same couple. hahas. :) the only thing i remember is that the game was so cute. :P amusingly cute. and quite funny. imagine sec 4s playing. it's pretty much quite amusing. let's just imagine Yeow or aminah playing that. it'll look SOOO wrong. bwahahas.
and did i mention that i hate lizards? and that i'm scared to death by them? even if it's painfully small and it's at least 1 or 2 m away or above me? oh wells. it IS scary.
oh oh, and timmy's sleeping on the floor. ebcause he touched a lizard by accident, i'm nto sure if it's hallucination but it creeped under his bed, and so now he's scared to sleep in his bed and thus, he's sleeping on the floor. quite a silly brother. but it's up to him. my mum will kill him anyways. tskk. :)
andd my moods change as quick as flash. it's crazyy..
- Riel
it sucks. it sucks alot. i dont want to feel this way anymore. i want it out now! i hate this feeling. andd i know i wont be able to take this... i thinkk..
.and why does it seem that i'm suddenly going to lose you?
;`11:05 PM
{Monday, April 17, 2006 YY
17th April.06.
and all's crashhed to the ground. andd i'm in between the time frame of neutrality. between confusion andd denial. sadness andd satisfactory. dreams and reality- yeahhs, that's just about it. .. andd i'm hoping for the yearr to end real soon... or maybe nott. i'm just so contradicting. i wantt both, for it to stay like this. and for it to endd. i'm counting down the days till i'm set free. 24 more weeks of survival i suppose. .. it's going to be tough. but i'll brave though it. i'm quite determinedd to. tskk..
it's 10 now. and my chinese hw is left untouched. mergii called like 10 mins ago. said i was a naughty girll. hahas. it's not my fault chinese is so cheem. hahas. and when it comes to higher chi, i just cant really be botheredd. : ) suprise suprise, the girl who loved chinese so much kinda dislikes it now. i guess people's perspective of things change ever so often that it's hard to say what you really like and dont like.
it rainedd today. that ever so calming effect falls upon me. i love it. the scent, the smell.except the part where i'm pretty much quite soaked, and i'm not at home but at benn's. then again, i dunt quite regret walking in the rain. it was wonderful. and so, i was walking as usual, trailing behind, slowly, ever so slowly, and then i started thinking, what if i got struck by lightning, would you even notice? would you even realise? and what if i died immediately, what would happen to the people around me, my unsaved friends? those i treasure. those that i love... would they know of the love that i have for them? i truly wonder. actions speak louder than words... isnt it so that my actions seem to be less loud than my words? what if i prefer expressing myself through words. would that be a crime? would my love go unnoticedd?? i wonderr.. andd "OI!" i'm awaken from my so called trance. : ) funny, how it always ends with unanswered questions. .. probably, what i'll nvr find answeredd.. maybe, maybe, i'm just thinking too much afterall. hopefully. just hopefully. ..
and then you seem so happy. how can i bear to make you sadd? how can i be so selfish as to burden you with things that neednt be said. and so i'll hide behind that smile. and hopefully some day, you'll forgive me. for, i never wanted to pretend to be okay. all i wanted was to see that you were okay. that you were fine. it didnt matter to me if i was near dead. all that would matter was that you were doing alright. : )
andd how can i say goodbye to something that never was mine?
- Riel
;`9:36 PM
{Friday, April 14, 2006 YY
14th April 2006.
it's good friday. : ) mms, went for doctor's journal today. i saw benn. but didnt exactly see mich. oh wells. mergi talked a lot to me and smsed a lot too!! ahahhas.. quite irritating at first but then after a while i decided not to bother. jo's two friends lifted their hands!!!!
my highness all started thanks to ice cream.- that's my dinner. abby, E shyen and me sat ont he second floor at first and then this caucasian family thought we were beggars. hahas they looked quite shocked. and i was just laughing away. hee then we went down and finished up our ice cream. abby told a lame joke and that's how all the jokes started. hahas. we're like super lame. =))
Lame people association[LPA] rocks. hhhahas cox the head is JO. hahhas. and guess who's the tail?!!? LOL. then then together we'll look sexx-aayy. bwahahhas. hrmms, jokes were super lame and retarded. and i've decided to helpp jo invent the elevated wheelchair for both of us to sit. tskk. cox we're all wheelchair bound tskk. andd then it was super funny cox we were tlaking on the phone and then discussing bout errs.. sesame's street?!?! hahas. then later i was like i wanna be the guy in the trash bin and then jo's like pointing to the red bin and asking me to get in. hahas. =)) i forgott what the funniest part.. errs. i think it was the BIG BIRD part. JOJO remember?! hahas.
Me: You can be big bird!
Go:"NOT YOU CAN! IT'S YOU ARE."
Me: orhhs. okay. you are big bird. cox you're BIG and TALL AND FLUFFY AND YOU'RE YELLOW!! and then me and jo goes rolling around with laughter. not actually really rolling. =)) later jas suddenly pops from behind and goes ARIEL?! and i was quite shocked. hee. ^^,
so, the big bird thing didnt end but i forgott. hahas. =)) jojo's the headd!! but the eyes and the mouth and the nose is mine!! hahas. i have no idea why she wants my neck. tskk. today was fun. funny. crazy. and lame. LameOs eat ReversOes. bwahhas. high high high. tee heee..
so i didnt see B today. or maybe i did. it's so weirdd! EEEEEE.... ... .... *shudders* let's all have followshipp together! = ) hahas. it's just pretty random. went for maundy thursday yesterday. it was nice i guess. i rushed from black canyon. and got a blister. RAWRR. sat next to jo. i read her piggie chi compo. so cute! hahas. then i went to macs and then home.
plus, level chapel. it wasnt too bad considering the fact that miss sim was there. encouraging us. and miss gan was just laughing. that's all she evr does. nadine and i became closer because we both shared the same errs.. goal. bwahhas weird goal but it's one anyways. and then i created this super stupid cheer. it's just the same as the so and so's going to win so chuck the rest into the bin.... but the lyrics is different. hhahas. and then we kept singing it. then when we walked home, nadine, jia and i sang jesus loves me in chinese!! super hilarious. then we saw miss gan then me and nadine decided to sing it down the roaad. and then we sang super loud for jia to hear and she was across the road. it was funny. and nadine and i kept laughing. hahas.
Eight Below is the nicest show ever. maybe cox i love dogs. it's super sad. i cried like crazy.. 2 dogs died. so saddd... like it's super saddd!! ahhh i cried so much. then my lil bro kept looking at me with this amusing look on his face and i wasnt happy so i whacked him on the head. bwahhas. so funny. then he not happy then he fling the popcorn out of the pop corn box onto me LOL. oh wells. i love eight below. the DOGS are huskies and malamutes. aahh it's so sad. i cried like mad. =((
my daddy give me huggs. but he doesnt wanna give me money.. *cough cough* and i hope you get the hint. i wantt moneyy. LOL. bwahhas..
and i'm so lame that i need healing. hahas. : )
- Riel
;`10:43 PM
{Wednesday, April 12, 2006 YY
12th April 2006.
and it was nats today. MG did well. =)) We got our cross shirt. It looks FAB. besides the fact that it's oversized and i look like a banana who's going to sleep when i wear it. but besides that, it looks nice. : ) hmms, tomorrow there's no school. well technically, there is BUT, it's swimming finals!! WEEE... no lessons. tralala.
hmms, and so why is it that my impression of you suddenly becomes bad to worse?! complicatedd i suppose. hahahs and xue er is glam girl. hahas. Nats was funny. i saw my so called imaginary friend since von doesnt believe i saw *COUGH COUGH* so frustrating. i ate chicken rice for dinner. the lady was so nice. she gave me and von exact change when we paid together and then later she said to me. "ke yi bang wo huan gei na wei xiao jie ma?" so polite. hee. oh wells i think the chicken rice something wrong. lol my stomach pain. hahas.
i dunt really feel like blogging. kinda warpedd now. tskk.. and i dunno what's wrong. but everything seems to be so.
confusedd without a reason.
-Riel
;`9:14 PM
{Sunday, April 09, 2006 YY
9th April 2006.
Due to boredom i shall blogg then. i'm super bittersweet for some reasons i dunt really wantt to talk about. butt.. do i really want for it to rain today?!?!? GAHH. this sucks. it's like purely anxiety. well kinda. i dunt know. i want an answer soon i think.. or do i not?!?! i've been staring constantly at the weather ever since ever. gahh this is not good. i'm trying not to think about it. i dunt even know whether i want to do it or not. crappy.. GAHHHHH...
Church yesterday was rather nice. i suppose. it was quite a short message though. lesser points put across i suppose. hmms, i sat alone yesterdayy.. poor me.. : ) actually it was kinda nice. hahas, i'm a loner at heart. tskk. served yesterday. screwd upp something. offering was crapp. this lady passed to the row behind her and i was so blur not to even realise until like when they were passing it down the line!! GRRRR. i felt like killing myself! rawrr. then again, however i look at it, wasnt i suppose to pass it to that row?!?!?! wha lauu.. oh wells heck.
Macs was crapped. the whole point of my delimma is cox well, jeann talked to me. bwahhas okay nvm.. mmms, i suppose... i dunt know what i want. i dunt know what HE wants me to do.. :( then i had math tuition which was super frustrating because of dumb people disturbing me. IT'S NOT MY FAULT MY MATH SUCKS OKAY! and blame it on the stupid teacher who decides to come to MG to train on her lousy math teaching skills! GRRR it's so absolutely frustrating!!! i mean she so clearly, cant teach and with that temper of hers, she wont even go anywhere man!! Thank god she's leaving in may. I think. hhhhahas. okay, i shant talk bad bout her anymore. i feel badd. ahh whatever larr. WHATEVER! Yeow was super funny. with his weird tic tac toe thing. hahhas.. "It concerns your future!" LOL. bwahhas.. and he's an evil dude. kept giving me work to do. humph. then i got a ride from benn's mummy and daddy AGAIN. i feel so badd! :( thanks von. hahas i feel free loaderishh, pwhhattts.
i just realised hillsongs songs are SOOO low.. bwahhas. okay.. nvm. -.- maybe cox they're guys. pfft.
i couldnt go for easter saturation today. i was REALLY crapped upp. i wanteddd to goooo... bleahhs. so crappy larrhs. GRRRR... oh wells. my older bro went to my cuzzie's place and my lil bro went for some rugby thing. YES appalled? seeing that my lil bro is like a thin stick person. and he plays rugby. bwahahas. =X and so i'm left alone in this BIG house, alright it's not that big. but still i'm left alone in this EMPTY house. with my mum who's i have like no idea where. andd i dunt wanna do any homework. and there's no one to talk to online. grrr. okay whatever.
it's 4. it's not raining. andd i sorta think i know my answer. but what if it isnt true. i dunno. GRR. and somehow.. i'm asking myself. do i want it to rain. i dunno. it's not what i want right? but it's what he wants me to do right? and if it doesnt rain that means he doesnt want me to do.... or go for the interview rightt?!?!?! AHHH i dunno i'm just GRRRRRR... what to do... it's 4. it's not raining. do i really want it to rain that badly? but think it from my perspective. i'm nothing there. if i were to go for the interview and get in. then i could do something for him couldnt i? cox i clearly am not doing anything in there now right? or am i wrong!?!?! it's so frustrating. and i think i wanna start crying cox when i cry i feel at ease. AHH i'm rambling. and, it's just that, by being something then it would be better and i could do so much more right? or is it not the right time now? is it? or is it not? maybe when my faith has built huh? i dunt know anymore. but all i know is that. whatever happens today. wont be my final decision. at least not yet?? =((
andd i dunt know what to ddo. i dunt know what i want. it's not about what i wantt but i dunno. argh i dunno anymore. am i really hoping for it to rain?!?! am i? am i? this is so irritating. why is this even happening?!?! GRRRRRRR...
and i'm so lost between my thoughts. between my decision.
- Riel
;`3:49 PM
{Wednesday, April 05, 2006 YY
5th April 2006`]] ---
so my day started with an "ARIEL WAKE UP!!" as usual. i was dead tired. slept late last night to study for ting xie and turns out lao shi changed the date. the test is tmrw. argh. went to school, all sleepy and then saw Zeeie play the er hu thing. she's super good!! then had crossie worship. it's at 6.45 am. it's super early! i mean, like yes i'm committed to my cca but people have to study and catch up on sleep too! and NOT everyone come at 6.45. it's really tiring to just go at 6.45. it's like.. asking abit too much? oh wells. then, Sarah's guit playing skills were good. hehhs. hmms, classes were okay i suppose. did the lang arts test. wasnt too bad?? i suppose.. then i failed my higher chinese test. my first flunk ever and it sucks. i dunt even know how to let my parents sign without them slaughtering me gahh.. =(( Mg-nyte was quite nice. no wait, it was goodd. hmms, went for prayer meeting today. it was nice. and refreshing. the whole reason why i'm not tired now. somehoow, just somehow i went highh. =))
---
Me: What school is purple tee and blue pants??
Von: o.O
Me: What? Ehhs, Jo.. What school is that?
Jo: dunt know..
Then we were walking past brian and then it happened.
Jo: OH I KNOW IS YOU... hahahahahas... I know why...
Me: WHAT LARR?!?!?!?
Jo:: Want me to help you go ask? I see Z before during CH! Z in same group as you!! Why you dunt know?! i help you go ask!
Me: Siao arrhs?!?!? JoJo... =)) JoJo... =))
Jo: Stop it larr. You say until so funny. But really, i help you ask.. i know what you're thinking....
XueEr: What what?!?!?!
Jo: You know... *whispers duntknowwhat*
XueEr: EWWW Z so ugly.
Me: o.O
Von: I dunt even want to know!
Me: WHAT?!?!?!?! it's not my fault Z have that gong toot face.
Jo: Gong toot?!?!? what's that!?!? i like that word. You gong toot. *laughlaughlaugh* Ehhs! Why you psuh me?!?! you gong toot! *laughs somemore*
XueEr: -.-"
So we're walking into macs and i shall skip the part where i start gushing on how cute Z is. oh wells. it's really not my fault he has that gong toot look. bwahhahas. i think i like gong toot face. cox they're so gong tootishh. ahhas.
Jo: Ehhs. Gong Toot come!!
Von: *ignores* *to noone in particular*what shall i get? coke? ice cream? milo or lemon and lime?
Me: *to jo* Ehhs. then i'm gong tooot you're toot gong so then together we become gong toottoot gong... BWAHAHHAS *starts laughing hysterically. remember i'm highh*
Jo: *laughing like a psycho maniac* hahhas. gong toottooot... bwahhahhas. Then Xue er and benn is Gong gong Toot Toot. Xue er is gong gong. and benn can be toot toot. gong gong toot toot. bwahhahas.
--
and there we go laughing about. and xue er becomes high and start laughing with us. as Jo leaves, xue makes cute funny faces and benn bursts into fits of laughter and there we are. a bunch of laughing people. happy ending. =)) i bought fries and got a ride from benn. YAYY! end of my day. and now here i am, doing math. i dunt get it. and i probably never will. M.S is soooo crappy.
let's see. she was like.. "IF I DUNT SEE YOUR WORK IN MY HAND IN 3 SECONDS IT WILL BE CONSIDERED AS LATE!" and i was doing halfway and had to just hand in to her. super crappy. i wanted to scream at her face! ARGH!!! sometimes i feel like stabbing her. like. i'm sorry but i cant stand it!! GAHH!! and i shant bitch anymore..
and i dunt know anymore
-Riel
and did you know behind that me is pure confusion? -well not anymore... right?-
;`11:05 PM
{Tuesday, April 04, 2006 YY
4th April 2006,,,
home econs. black pepper steak. cook. first period.
So, it wasnt so bad afterall, the teacher liked it. i liked it. my first happy ending. =)) probably. chinese test was kinda crappy since i didnt study at all. and for cloze passage, i had no idea whatsoever, what the passage was tlaking about. i just randomly picked out the answers, i'm pretty sure i'll fail. and i'm praying not. The compre was a piece of crapp too. but i cant be bothered to dwell on it any longer. It'll only dampen my mood.
i'm bittersweet
So i suppose today isnt such a bad day. i came home early and took a long, long nap. of which i enjoyed, well sort of, besides the fact that timmy threw my NEW house tee around the room. and i screamed at him while being half asleep. oh wells. had 4 missed calls from mergi of which i did not call back as i was too tired to move. hahas. i'm a pigg. i'm feeling bittersweet. does that explain enough of what i'm feeling? gahh.
Service
it probably was one of the best sermons ever. maybe because i really needed it. pastor darick kept saying that maybe our hearts have been dried up and that we should return to the well to drink its water that will never run dry. and i guess maybe that's what i havent been doing. and that's why maybe now, my heart's so dry. and rock hardd. i dunt exactly know. but sermon was good. then for alter call, this sister prayed for me. she told me that the lord loves me and that the lord loves me a lot and that he would use me. because he uses people who are imperfect. and then i started crying. maybe because that was what i really wanted to hear. that god could use me. that he would. because i was imperfect. .. =))
eXpresso.
It was good. i managed to eat yogurt! yayy! hmms, that day was april's fool. it was... a nice day. i saw electrico. darnie the super cool beat boxer rocks. oh man. his beat boxing is so professional. it's super cool. it's like.. super super cool. okay that's all i think i can say, that he's uber cool. yayy. electrico was good. though most songs were quite unfamiliar. : ) yay! and their last song was i want you. super nice. =)) hmms.. so many things happened. oh wait. not really. i saw ming huei again. she looks pretty. slim. thin. her legs are like sticks!! and she did the 4A3 item. mmms.. super nice. hmms.. MG girls are just pretty. and slim. and. GAHH. unfair. hahas. they look so good. and their taste isnt like lousy or anything. even those average looking people actually look good!! =))
i feel like rambling on about being bittersweet but then i think i shouldnt. i'm beiing moronifiedd. rawrr. somehow, my wonderful older bro found out how to send songs to me from his screwdd up comp! YAY! so now i have nice songs to listen to. double YAY! and suddenly everything seems so dark. and sadd. and people arnd me seems down. and messed upp. life's really that crappy i suppose. blahhs. level chapel today was better. a note. : YOU SO DO NOT WRITE YOUR PRAYERS DOWN ON A PIECE OF PAPER. it's super unnatural. miss gan expects us to write it out. it's like, are you crazy?!!?!? no one does that!!! And you have to vet my prayer. like, hello?!?!!? it's a prayer!! not some speech or anything! ARGH!! so frustrating. Jia's the bomb. her drumming rocks. it makes our songs seem so much livelier. YAY!!! thank god we have her. for some reason,, i think she's taken over my post and the person who over sees everything. blahhs. i'm quite hopeless. and that's quite a sad thiingg. but then it's not like i dunt know i'm quite useless. the-blarrhs. GAHH i'm feeling EXTREMELY bittersweet. mms. alex is leading worship. and i'm wondering, should i have said i wanted to lead. do i actually want to lead? hmms. maybe. maybe not.
--
then in home ec room. X was being abit prideful i dunno, just got on my nerve a little. but maybe she never realisedd.. it started like this.
X: Yeva!! Eva.. Ever!! YEVA!! Come ride horsie... *bounce bounce bounce*
and i'm wonderingg, O... Kay. immature. just pure immature. thank god i'm not her.
X: Ae-riel. Are you going for trng on Wednesday?
And yes, i've resigned to fate. my name is Ae-riel A-riel Ah-riel. Ah-ri-EL. whatever.
Me: Trng? WEdnesday? Err.. No.
X: Oh yeahhs!! You're not running for nationals!! *gleams and bounce bounce bounce*
And i'm like thinking, yes i'm NOT but you neednt rub it in my face right?!!!? i mean fine, so you can run. you can run so much faster than me. but so what??!?!?!? ARGH. so crappy larr. oh wells. nvm. forgive and forget.. Bleahhs. =((
---
.
Woke up this morning found a letter that she wrote
She said she's tired that I'm always on the road
To hard to swallow being alone
She needs someone at night that she can hold
She must have told me a thousand times before
Silent cries I use to ignore
God knows I love her
Didn't mean to hurt her
.
Baby I'll be Sitting here waiting on you to come home again
I won't leave Promise
I'll be here to the very end
By your side
To protect you and to love you and to be with you for life
Come on home to me Charlene
.
She knows I really love this old music thang
Since I was a child it's been my dream I can support her treat her and spoil her
You know buy her the finer things
But I forgot about loving her
Damn the money, diamonds and pearls
What about the hard day she had with the baby
All she need is for me to love her
.
Promise I can't live without her
God knows I need her loving
And it hurts so bad that's she gone
I pray that she'll come back one day In my life
.
Oh oh oh Sometimes I cry
Charlene if you're listening would you call on me
Because my heart is aching.. .
.
i love this song. stole it from my bro. hahas. =)) it's super nice. WEEE... i think i've heard it for a billion to thrillion times. ever since my bro sent it to me yesterday. hehhs. oh wells. this is so random. i'm off. got work to do. so much work. i hate myself. darnn procrastinatorr.
and there i go again - hoping. i'm pathetic.
- Riel
;`8:49 PM