{Monday, May 29, 2006 YY
time sure passes so fast and i'm pretty sure that the june hols will end really really soon!! ): but oh wells.. it's still the hols and it's THE GREAT SINGAPORE SALE!! (: shopping. clothes. more clothes. more shopping.. yes, you get the idea.
Being so caught up in so many things, i'd totally forgotten to write about class outing., quite the highlight of MAY. and class outing was something so special and wonderful that i thank god for. it's those small moments when i can share and impact people (: it's a great opportunity to just get those christians up on their feet and to do something for our class. because what's passion without action. right? (: fooling around in the pool close to midnight was fun. throwing miss su into the pull about a thousand times was fun too. and because the gate was locked and she wasnt sleeping over and she had no extra clothes, she ahd to climb over the gate in half dried clothes!! HAHA, that, was even more fun (: spending the night by the pool talking to wenxi and nadine, it was super fun (: although they two bully me! hahas.
Passion Ac was really good. i loved it loads. (: it was just wonderful and god's presence was there! (: you knwo what i mean. larrdeedarr..
learning journey was slack. CHIP SOUNDED LIKE KAFEI!! hahas.. (: presenting was sucky. and i'm just feeling happy. i think. or maybe it's bittersweet. =/ i'm leaving for holiday's on the 8th. it seems so fast. and i'm going to US for two weeks.. i'm going to miss the churchies!! and you too.
X3 was okay. i think the last two was better. this time round it wasnt that fantastic. there were so many extra ppl. like scott was in there for... like waht? 10 minutes?!?!?! the professor died even before it was an hour. the warren guy just swooped in and out occassionally and rouge went to get the cure and didnt help in the last stand. ARGH! but anyways. i think it was overall, fine (: still watchable. and nice?
i'm quite convinced almost all the guys like the girl next door kind. it's like quite sad though, because i really dont see how come jasmine is sOOOO HOT and cute!! seriously, i spent an hour and a half hearing my brother talk and talk and mumble to himself AND other ppl that i shall not mention. (: AHHH it's driving me nuts! = /
running 40 mins at night was really, just fine. it wasnt too bad as i had timmy running with me. he was a source of distraction, preventing me from thinking about things. which might've been a pro i suppose. he was really sweet to leave breakfast for me though, when he really loved it (: cute and irritating, i really have no idea how he can have those two combination! (:
today was boring. i felt like i was going to die. i really really really want to go shopping!! ): it's tuesday! technically, wednesday since it's 12 midnight already. i think it's because i editedd or something! ARGH!! nvm. (:
and i want to run to you.
- Riel
;`8:21 PM
{Monday, May 22, 2006 YY
and thus, i hang my head down. shame. disappointment. pain.
that's what go through my head. my heart. my mind.. .
if only i didnt say anything.
if only i thought of the consequences instead of just speaking up.
if only i was sensitive to your feelings.
if only i stopped trying to be judgemental and defensive.
if only i tried to understand you.. .
maybe, just maybe none of these would have happen.
swollen eyes. buckets of used tissue. fat salty tears. a heart that's broken into many pieces. a mind that's given up on everything that i tried to fix. that i tried to believe. that i tried to show you.
i thought i was able to show you. to show you how wrong you were. to see your weakness.
how wrong was i? thinking that you never knew.
but you did. and you didnt do anything about it.
implying that i am all at fault..
those werent my intentions.
i never thought that it would have ended like that.
this feeels so much like a nightmare.
i dont know what to think anymore.
what i should persue.
how i should open up.
wont you tell me?
i'm close to giving up
i'm almost dead.
cracked up.
fallen tp pieces.
and you'll never know the real reason as to why those tears had fallen.
because you thought otherwise.
you'll never know.
you.
wiill.
never.
know.
;`10:22 PM
{Sunday, May 21, 2006 YY
inferior complexity.
"she's everything i'm not."
why cant i just stop comparing for once?
why cant i just see how special i am to god?
why cant i just feel happy for whatever he's blessed me with?
why am i putting myself down?
why am i making my life so miserable?
what am i even doing?
why cant i just realise how much my god loves me so?
for once, why cant i feel good about myself?
i'm hurting him. i'm hurting so many people. including myself.
when will this stop?
when will you stop hurting people ariel? when will you?!
andd i dont know anymore.... ...
what do i do?
what am i to say?
should i just fall into slumber?
wouldnt that just be running away?
running away, from myself. from everything. ..
and in this time,
i need you.
to.
rescue.
Me.
;`12:29 AM
{Wednesday, May 17, 2006 YY
17th May 2006
happy birthday KOR!! LOVE YA!!! (: too bad it's not SWEET SIXTEEN anymore. it's like seventeen. jasper gave you the destiny gundamn robot machine thing!! bleahhs. it looks super cool. (: it's okay if she forgot your birthday. i remembered. she's stupid. (: HAHAHAS. dont kill me.
anyways, due to excessive mango, i am really high. and guess what?!?!?
i got my boook!! weee...
i got new jeans. cheap and NICE!
i love my book!!
and i love you. (:
walking down with grace to the MG bus stop was fun. and we were talking about what ifs and Mgnyte outing. and ahem ahem PEDOFILES!! hahahas.. it was hilariously funny. (: and then we analysed obsession. it seemed like the road down was so long.. mmms, i love MGnyte days (: i love Saturdays. (: i love days when i get to see you (:
you know what sucks?!?! - when you've worked your butt off for something as small as a reward or a "well done!" or something. there's none. and when you so much want something as small as a smile, you get this really black face because of your sibling's results. LIKE CAN YOU AT LEAST BE HAPPY FOR 5 MINUTES?!? just 5 minutes, is that too much to ask!?!?!?!? and when you dash all my hopes and my drive's just disappeared. and you'll never know how miserable i feel when you're totally clueless and caring for HIM. it's like, sometimes you make it seem that i am not of importance to you. which kills me alot. and it seems sometimes that youu FORGET that i also need at least a word of praise. SAY something! ANYTHING! i dont even ask of much. wont you just smile?!!?!? why is it that you always, always make me feel this way. i'm human too you know?! i hurt too. annd what you did today, you hurt her. you hurt me and you hurt HIM. why does it seem that when you're mad, everything's in chaos?! when you scream and shout, do you know the neighbours hear you?!?! and you'll never know, how shitty i feeel. you'll never know.. . but i never blamed you once. yinweiniyongyuandouhuizaiwoxinzhong. yexunibuzhidao,nibuzhidaowoduomeaini. danshi,meiguanxi. yinweiwohaishiyiyangaini. buguanshenme,niyongyuanjiushidiyi.
and some things just never change. ever,,
- Riel
i want to see you soon. i miss you. (:
;`11:57 PM
{Tuesday, May 16, 2006 YY
16th May 2006..]]
and because wenxi said i have to do this. i shall do it. this is just an excuse. i just dont want to do my chem hw OR study for geog and higher chi. ARGH! procrastinatorrr... well, here goes. -
S E 7 E N people and things that make me Smile:
1)CHEESECAKE
2)my bedd
3)Benn. kohDARRRR- (: dont get me wrong it's just a bear! LOL ^.6
4)rain
5)chocx (:
6)yeow
7)CHURCH - that includes abby.xuexue.grace.jojo.mich.vera.inez.eshyen!! (:
S E 7 E N Ways to Win my Heart
1)CHEESECAKE
2)be god-fearing
3)randomness
4)dont try too hard.no obsession please.
5)show love, care andd concern.
6)be genuine
7)be SWEET (:
S E 7 E N People I Believe/Trust In:
1)God
2)Benn.eshyen.fiona.chloe.wanhui.faith!! (:
3)my family.kor.mummy.daddy.timmy.lis. (:
4)mo.gidd
5)yeow
6)xue.jo.abby.grace.vera.mich.inez
7)jeann.jared.
S E 7 E N Things I Hope To Have/Do Now:
1)CHEESECAKE
2)crash at benn's
3)read brilliance of the moon
4)supernatural powers! LOL
5)quit school
6)more clothes. -GO SHOPPING
7)ahem ahem. (: to meet you now?
S E 7 E N Things I Do Everyday:
1)Sleep
2)Procrastinate
3)use the comp
4)listen to music
5)TAWG
6)Eat
7)(: think of you.
S E 7 E N People I Want to See Now :
1)God (:
2)jaredd -you can guess why
3)Benn -you know why (:
4)abby.xue.jo.grace. -we need to eat ice cream together!!!!(:
5) ahem ahem - saranghaeyo
6)chloe.wanhui -it's been LONG since i last saw you guys
7)faith -OBVIOUSLYYY!! (:
S E 7 E N People who should also do this:
1)Benn
2)yeow
3)david
4)jo
5)grace
6)mo
7)Elena (: xi made you do too~!! (:
hmms, i'm done. i think. this has been quite fun. (: i really dont want to study for GEOG and Highr CHI! it's really depressing and boring. and dreadful. and i really really really hate it ALOT. finished my chem hw in like a minute or two. i ran out of chocolate. ): sigh. this sucks.
i'm bittersweet. again. = /
cross country run was today. i puked. i'm lousy. i shouldnt have eaten breakfast. i run slow and SUCKY. benn ran well. (: went to j8 for lunch with the crossies. i ate hainanese chicken rice! it's so EXPENSIVE though. like who sells "hai nan shao ji tui fan" at $4.50?!?! rawrr. but it did taste quite good. grandma grace was damn funny! she makes me LAUGH! (: and the benavon phone scam thing was really funny. (: benn was clueless and i was hysterical. i think i laughed so much i cried. and gis had to calm me down! HAHAHAs
and i've resolved to get my dumb hip treated and then let it recover REALLY QUICKLY and not slack for training. this is nonsense. but heck, (: it's the first time i'm resolving to do such things!! hahas.
and dumb brother is a doofball. like he's damn stupid. why do you knock my head FOR FUN.when you know it's pain??!?!!? like WHAT THE!! what's your problem larr! i'm having a frigging headache! stupid stupid stupid stupid. why cant he think for once?!!?! ARGH!!!! STOP IRRITATING ME AND BUG OFF!! bleahhs i shouldnt have said anything.
on a happy happy note, i took neos today. it was fun (: i've got new neos. it looks good. WOO. (: (: (: my mood changes drastically. bleahhs. i read grass for his pillow today. and finished off the last bit. I WANT BRILLIANCE OF THE MOON!!! i want to read!! ): rawrr.
ultimate procrastinatorr
- Riel
;`9:37 PM
{Sunday, May 14, 2006 YY
it's late. ):
RAWRRR
this is sucky.
i cant sleep!!! maybe it's because i'm suddenly missing you like crazy! is that a crime?
;`1:37 AM
{Friday, May 12, 2006 YY
it's 12.46. technically, it's a friday, but whatever. i'm still feeling thursdayishh. LOL. we got back our results today and i screwd physics like i knew i would. the feeling of disappointment rush towards me at full speed and i suppose, i'm thinking. "my best isnt enough is it?" then again, it's over. and blaming myself for having sucky marks wont do me any good i suppose. Life science was much better. i got higher than what i expected maybe. and i suppose that would make up for the loss of my physics. hopefully. i havent really told my parents yet. i have no idea why. maybe because they'd be quite disappointed too. right?
Practice run was cancelled due to the rain. WEE! in a way, i suppose that was good! i really didnt want to walk with like 9 classes with an average of 30 people in each class at the same time... i'll die of like suffocation!! like everyone's breathing in the SAME air and stuff. ..
i'm really boredd. for some reason or so. i dont really feel like sleeping yet. but it's late and i ought to turn in. .. RAWRR, this sucks. andd, LOST II was nice to watch and i want more law and order SVU!! it's really nice to watch! like CSI!! :))
- sitting here, all by myself just trying to think of something to do. trying to think of something, anything, just to keep me from thinking of you. but you know it's not working out because you're all that's on my mind. .. :) -i miss certain people.-
I WANT OREO CHEESE CAKE AND KINDER BUENOOO!!!
screwyy sciences.
- Riel
;`12:48 AM
{Wednesday, May 10, 2006 YY
10th mayy 2006. `]]
WOO i just love holidays. they're the bestest things ever!! pstt, I GOT HEELS!! (: like, finally. i'm pretty much satisfiedd. spending 5 hrs in orchard with benn, e shyen and mich was nice. 2 hrs in orchard with my mum wasnt too bad either. i forgot to get a new umbrella!! HAHA. still, i'm extremly happpy i got new heels. they look nice. and my mum actually got me another one too!! WEEE... somehow i'm super happy. i love my heels. i want more holidays!!!
my papers are gonna be returned to me tmrw. the thought of it just scares me. ALOT. i really dont want to anticipate. i dont even want my paper. i dont want to know how much i got. because i'm pretty sure i flunked physics. it was horrible. ):
Spending time doing my math portfolio is really wasteful. LIKE WHO CARES?!?!? i really dont want to do it. it's a waste of time. it's math. it's sucky.. RAWRR
:) i dont know why but i'm feeling happy. and i dont care. cox it's been so long since i've been this happy!! HAHA. what am i talking about. tskk. ignore me. tmrw's a school day. BOO!! but on friday's VESAK!! WEEE... another holiday. bwahahahas. i think i've gone psycho..
exuberantly happy
-Riel
have i lost all hope?? i wonder.
;`10:03 PM
{Tuesday, May 09, 2006 YY
there's no school tomorrow!! WEE.. and for once, it's like i can take a break and slack aroundd without the worry of exams this week and all. what will happen in the weeks ahead, i shall wait till it draws closer. let's just pretend i dont really have a care in the world.. . i seriously need to shop! NO MORE STAYING AT HOME FOR ME!! Woot!
we went through the physics and life science answers today and physics was just totally i piece of crapp. and i highly doubt that i would do well. but let's just keep hoping. although it wont do you any good, but who cares?! it'll make you feel better at least. right? Life science wasnt too bad i suppose, except for the karyotyping question which i screwdd. but oh wells, it's over. too late to regret or be sad about...
i cant go to benn's house to sleep over. ): that's the saddest thing that ever happened today!! it's a mixture of disappointment and just crappiness because i really want to go and CHILL!! i cant do it at home with TWO GUYS studying for their mids!! the atmosphere is so WRONG!! bleahhs.
i'm probably slightly happy for some reason or so. that i dont get. but then again,, there isnt really a need for a reason to be happy is there? and there's something about me that doesnt feel the same. and i'm not sure if it's good or bad.. blahhs.
my ipod wont let me update songs. i'm angry. and frustrated. i did it for my bro's!! why cant mine work???!?! this is so unfair... RAWRR. and i need to go shopping soon!! i need new clothes. and i want a webcam. and i want lotsa lotsa stuff. but i probably wont get them la. wishes dont necessarily come true i suppose. (:
"and the words that seem so hard to say come out when you've gone away so stay a little while and hear me say.that i want you here tonight and i need you by my side for just one more moment.. "
turning 180 degrees.
- Riel
;`9:27 PM
{Saturday, May 06, 2006 YY
wei qu. unjustifieddd.
and what did i do to deserve this?
and what did i say??
and why's it so tough to go through life with YOU?!
cant you give me a break?
justt this once.
i had enough.
and i havemt the care in the world..
-Riel
;`12:13 AM
{Tuesday, May 02, 2006 YY
2nd May 2006
and it's mayy. my mids are over. there's this immense sense of relief. and i'm really glad it's over. physics was tough. and life science was fine. i'm just gonna leave it to my father in heaven. (: it's been wonderful though, for he has been there to guide me through those two papers!! hehh. went out with merg and benn to GWC. met elena. eva and crew. hahas it's so funny. we're all in our uniforms. and the merrilyn and eva reunition was like funny..
Eva: MERRILYN!!
Merg: EVA!!!
and then they both run to the middle and jump aroundd and laugh and hop. You could feel the stares from passers-by and there were quite ALOT. still, it was hilarious.
we met benn's parents and the most harrowing moment in my life, well that's quite untrue but it was still super scary. it was when i saw my mum at GWC. i didnt even tell her i was OUT!! and yes, i feel super rebel!! like, merg and benn told their parents!! I DIDNT.. that makes me feel super rebel and guilty. since when did ariel become so wacky?!?!!? and rebel?? maybe since foreverr..
it was fun though and we ate crystal jade. XIAO LONG BAO!! and we ate yogurt!! the fantastic one!!! larrdeedarr.
and due to boredom and bo-liaoness, i shall do the weird quiz gidd and yeow did. it's quite hilarious. it's NONSENSE!!
Instructions: Go to your player of choice and put it on shuffle.Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. DO NOT CHEAT.
Q: how does the world see me?
A:Yi Zhi Dao Zui Hou, Energy
- mms.. until the end?? o.O my translation suck. bwahahas.
Q: Will i have a happy life?
A: Incomplete, BSB
- ehh? incomplete. that's quite sadd. LOL
Q:What do my friends really think of me?
A: Scar, Missy Higgins
- i know! i'm a pain in the arse. hahahas.
Q:Do people secretly lust after me?
A: Hungry, Kathryn Scott
- is that a yes or no?? O.O
Q:How can i make myself happy?
A: Hei Se Mao Yi
- Buy a black coat?!?!? HAHA!
Q:What can i do with my life?
A: Only One, Yellow card
- errr.. -.-??
Q:Will i ever have children?
A: Unwritten, Natasha Bedingfield
- DOES THAT MEAN NO? IF I DONT END UP LEFT ON THE SHELF THEN I WAAANT KIDS!!! (:
Q:What is some good advice for me?
A: Desperado, Westlife
-WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!? O.O i'm not desperate!!
Q:How will i be remembered?
A: Because of You, Kelly Clarkson
- mmms, i'll be remembered because of you? Now that isnt so bad i suppose? ahem ahem. :)
Q:What is my signature dancing song?
A: Going Crazy, Natelie
- VON!! remember this song?!?! hahas. and that was the past that lingers somewhere behind me.. :P
Q:What do i think my current theme song is?
A: Long time coming, Oliver James
- what's long? o.O
Q:What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
A: Call Me, Trinity Christian Centre. [LOL this song super nice though]
- this is nonsensical!!
Q:What song will play at my funeral?
A: Over, lindsay lohan
- It's over. i'll die faster!!!! then... :P
Q:What sort of men/women do i like?
A: When you say nothing at all, Ronan keating
- NOO!! i dunt like insensitive guys. then again saying nothing at all doesnt mean they're insensitive. there you go ariel, you just succeeded in contradicting yourself. :)
Q:What is my day going to be like?
A: Jump, Simple Plan
- err, i think my day's ending soon.. oh wells!! it was quite jumpy wasnt it? hehhs. :)
there you go, this nonsense quiz that helped me kill time. this post was full of crapp. i dunt care.
letting go.
- Riel
;`10:56 PM