Just a passing phase;

{Friday, August 25, 2006 YY

i'm a mess.

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth

I'm an emotional wreck.

But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

I'm feeling so much i wish i felt nothing.

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

And yet, I dont want to lose you.

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

hiding behind that facade.

they were lies all lies. ..

a nightmare i wish wasnt real. and now lord, wont you catch me when i'm falling? wont you hug me tight telling me everything's going to be alright? lord wont you wipe the tears for me? telling me i should be strong. lord wont you comfort me? be with me right here right now. ..?

i

need

you.

past VS present
- Riel

i'm sorry.

;`11:07 PM

{Tuesday, August 22, 2006 YY

-

10 years ago:
I was 3. I stuck my hand in between the ledge [ Is that what it's called?!?! o.O ] and the door and got my fingers slammed. Maybe that's why they're so UGLY! =X tskk.

5 years ago:
I was 8. Slacking and doing badly for exams. Probably why i ended up in one of the not so good classes in P3 and met people like faith ((: and guess who?! Azelea. =X hahas.

5 snacks i enjoy:
hmm, Chocolate, Ice Cream, Sweets, Yoghurt, Chips. ((:

5 songs i know all the words to:
Always and Forever - Planet Shakers, From the Inside Out- Hillsongs, Only Hope- Mandy Moore, She's on My Mind - Teddy Geiger, Going Crazy - Natelie.

5 things to do if i have 100 million dollars:
Ehh? Mmms, Give 10% of it to God, Donate to those in need, Save, Give to my Parents, Treat my friends. i think.. ??

5 places i will runaway to:
The Beach, Take a random bus till I feel like stopping, Somebody's House, Some alley, Sentosa.

5 things i would never wear: Lacey stuff, Cheena, Auntie clothings, Poofy ugly dresses, Weird patterned blouses or Skirts, VERY revealing clothes that will show off my FATS. LOL. hahas. :P

5 bad habits:
Keeping Things to myself, Taking long walks when i feel down, troubled, sad, bothered or bored, Procrastinating, Talking to myself, Daydreaming or Stoning when I have nothing better to do.

5 biggest joys:
God, Family[inclusive of all my doggs], Friends, sleeping, zau.

5 fictional characters i would date:
Hmm, Hitsugaya -Bleach, Sendo - Slam Dunk, Tao Ren - Shaman King, Sasuke - Naruto, Darrell - Ever and Anon. HAHA. ((:

5 people to do it:
Anyone actually. ((:

-

i'm done. that was fun. LOL. at least it helped me pass time, since my little brother woke me up from my sleep. BAHH. and now i cant seem to go back to sleep anymore. ):

Chem And history tmrw. I feel partially prepared for Chem seeing as i studied on Sunday, but i left my History textbook in school. Woo, i'm going to fail. bleahh. how wonderful. .. .

-

Guess what is one thing that irritates the crapp out of me?

It's when you did okay for a test and someone, just someone has to make you feel bad about it by telling the whole world she got so low. when she didnt! Seriously, shouldnt you actually spare a thought for those people who got LOWER than YOU and stop repeating and repeating that you cant believe you got this and that question wrong? Why dwell on what has already happened? What has the date got to do with your marks? Shouldnt you be learning from your mistakes and not crying over spilt milk? Stop contradicting yourself by telling them they got okay and grumble to them that you failed when you DIDNT and in fact, they got lower than YOU! You're only making them feel worse than how they already feel. . .. .

Bleahh, that felt so much better.

I should stop doing this. ARGH.

time passes so fast. it's two weeks to ORAL and slightly more than a month to end years. it's drawing so close it scares me. .. . . ..

.
falling through,
-Riel

you'll catch me.

;`5:38 PM

{Sunday, August 20, 2006 YY

.
5 tests in a week. What is it with MG and all the piling of tests, one after another? last i heard, we could complain if we had 3 tests onwards. Bahh. school sucks. it really does.

and this term was a let down, a major disappointment.

"i didnt deserve what you gave me. i didnt deserve it at all. you told me i did good. and to keep it up. it wasnt even good at all. i didnt even deserve it. and thus, i promised myself that i wont use it, till i'm able to prove to myself that i deserve it. till then, it'll be hidden, kept somewhere no one will find. .. i'm sorry. i should have done better."

being overly sensitive is bad. it's really bad. sometimes i wish that it wasnt you... .... sometimes i wished that life would be much easier for me. bahh. i'm such a fool.. ...

it's late.

why do i get people so mad at me for?

why do i always make people hate me so much?

why am i such a nuisance?

why do i always make you mad?

i'm sorry i ate in your room ):

i'm so emo. and overly sensitive.

blame the symptoms. ):

past those hazel eyes.
-Riel

;`12:07 AM

{Sunday, August 13, 2006 YY

jacq and belle.

me and klarissa ((:

jennifer.wenxi.me.nadine.chloe.

yingyen and klarissa.

me and chloe.

wenxi.nadine.chloe.and me. -thefourmaskateeers- ((:

asean dance was fun ((: it really was. and i enjoyed myself.

and now it's back to hitting the books. BAHH. and i half wished that the week didnt have to end so soon.. )):

it's funny how you knew what that someone felt and yet you pretended that you didnt. it's funny how, you wished your guess was wrong and it turns out to be right. it's ironic how, when you found out the truth there was a mixture of just calmness when usually, you would have freaked out. .. it's crazy how you can wonder why this is actually happening. how you could actually trust that someone as to even tell them what not many people know. ...

so many things happened within a short span of time.

and is it supposed to be interesting?

or just plain scary?

the irony of things,
- Riel

;`11:10 PM

{Thursday, August 10, 2006 YY

and it's been quite long since i last blogged. i guess, it's back to the usual. not voicing out my opinions. sweeping whatever anger, pain, and thoughts under the carpet. and it's probably much better this way. for the moment at least.

national day's a day filled with wonderful memories of the past. and yes, i havent forgotten about them. so close to the heart. sometimes when you think about it, you smile through your tears. funny, i miss those days. innocent, childish, fun days. where there wasnt any of this, that or those.

and it's time for me to hit the books again. it's close to end years. my 24 weeks also almost up.

bet you forgot about that.

and yet, i guess it'll always be this way. like this. secretly, agonizingly, quietly beside you. ((: and yet it's worth every single minute of my pain? anguish? i wonder..

p.rocrastination.

that seems to be what i'm doing now. i dont want to study. i dunt want to remember things, i dont feel like memorising more facts. but, i cant not do it.. can i?

and i'm back to watching animes. ((:

back to not using the comp so often anymore.

back to watching 9pm chinese shows.

back to wondering what we are now...

tuesday was fun. i love shopping with my mum. went shopping with elena, jenn, nadine, chloe and gerou before that. neos were super crazy. with our crazy singapore flags. and patriotic acts. plus, we found 2 dollars. haha.

i'm gonna try to be happy all the time. because there's no use being sad anyway. and with the lord beside me, what can go wrong?

right?

hope benn gets well soon!! take care!!

hyuu~ ((:
- Riel

;`1:36 PM

{Thursday, August 03, 2006 YY

and just hours ago, i was angry. angry to the point of wanting to punch something really bad. but then, after going home and settling down and bitching to my mum for a bit, [though technically, bitching to her didnt help much. all she did was "mmms.." -.-] i walked about in my room and flipped open this book with bible verses and as i sat down to read this was what struck me.

"One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:13-14

"Take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."
James 1:19-20

Reflecting on the whole 45 minutes when i childishly threw a fit pretty much silently except for the occasional "draw manga comments or the make it more attractive comments." i guess, maybe that's just the way it is. No matter how low you get, you cant just do anything about it except to move on, accept your mistakes, learn from them and during the process become a "better" person on the whole. ..

It sucks so much when you thought you put in effort to do that specific task and later realised that maybe you thought wrong. Maybe, the effort you put in just wasnt enough. maybe she had expected more than just that. It's aggravating to know that you can lose a lot of marks for some math project that could have pulled up your grade, and yet ironically, it pulled you down instead. ..

it's no use brooding over spilt milk. what's done is done. it cannot be undone.

what's gone is gone. you cant get it back. .. no matter how hard you try. it's gone. disappeared into thin air...

what "was" will never be a "could have been" any longer..

单恋真的不是值得骄傲的。。。因为这种感觉真的很心酸，很心酸。。。

it's been 5 days. 5 days of missing you so bad. ..
-Riel

;`7:19 PM