{Wednesday, November 29, 2006 YY
DISCLAIMER: pardon the not so nice words, ignore this post. it's EMO.
What if you're blank. and all you feel is well, nothing. and all that's in your mind is, just nothing at all. or maybe you just choose to believe it's nothing because it's better that way. it always is anyway, isnt it?
how do i put it in such a way that you wont find out what it's all about? how do i put it across to you in such a way, that it wont hurt you or scare you? and how do i ask you so many questions without letting you know that i know more than you think i do. and how do i stop myself from thinking of all the bad things that could posssibly happen to you after i learnt the devastating, shocking and painfully scary truth? and what would you say if you found out what i knew? will you be mad? will you be hurt? will you cry? or will you hate?
.
why is it that people always complicate things that are just so simple? cant you just see that what you did hurt a lot? you placed all the insecurity and sadness and pain into _____'s life! JERK. REATARD. IDIOT. STUPID. HEARTLESS. PIGASS!!
i feel violent and uncivilised. =X ah well.
then it happened.
- Riel
;`10:24 PM
{Thursday, November 23, 2006 YY
and instead of ranting about how i feel like killing myself, i shall do this quiz first. )):
1)How old do you wish you are?
hmm, i dont know? older? younger?
2)What do you do when the vending machines steals your money?
KICK IT! rawrr
3)Do you count yourself kind?
i dont know.
4) If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
Jap?
5) Do you know your neighbours?
Not really. they're all old uncles.
6) Do you follow your horoscope?
Nope.
7) Would you move for the person you loved?
Depends?
8) Do you believe that opposites attract?
Yupp.
9) Favorite channel(s)?
Channel 5?
10) Favorite place to go on weekends?
IGNYTE service.
11) Showers or Baths?
Baths.
12) Do you paint your nails?
hardly.
13) Do you trust people easily?
Nope.
14) What are your phobias?
I have quite a number of them.
15) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
When i was younger..
16) Where would you rather be right now?
There.
17) Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy?
God.
18) Heavy or light sleeper?
Heavy. i think.
19) Are you paranoid?
Sometimes?
20) Are you impatient?
Kind of?
21) What's your favorite pick-up line?
Hello? i dont knowww..dont have.
22) What's your main ring tone on your mobile?
It's on silent.
23) What were you doing at midnight last night?
Messaging? Hanging up?
24) What did the last text on your cellphone say?
I dont know. Should be msg from Xue. My phone's gone ):
25) Most recent movie you watched?
STEP UP.
26) Name three things you have on you at all times?
Clothes, Sticks, Watch
27) What color are your bed sheets?
One side pink, the other Maroon.
28) What is your favorite part of the chicken?
the wings ((:
29) I can't wait till...
the sky clears and the RAINBOW appears in front of the magnificent and beautiful princess to make her all happy and not sad )):
30) How tall are you barefoot?
i think it should be how SHORT are you barefoot. )):
31) Do you own a gun?
Nope. i hate the night with the stupid maid outside scaring me )):
32) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
MILO
33) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
Dont know.
34) Last thing you ate?
Laksa.
35) Does someone have a crush on you?
?
36) What's your favorite candy?
Cotton canday? Chocolate?
37) If you have three wishes, what would they be?
1. More people, especially relatives and friends to come to know the lord.
2.Everyone to be HAPPY. including certain people.
3. Revival in MG.
and my phone's just flew out of my grasp, thanks to well, me. ARGH. i feel so handphoneless. like, BAHH. )): see, that's what happens when you're too attached to your phone. ..
and im a few days late but hmm, a shout out to my dear girl, Joelle Yong. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ((: continue to grow strong in the lord dear girl. he'll watch over you and guide you along the way ((: LOVE YOUU!
things have been bittersweet.
everything's all over the place.
my thoughts are not really right.
and im worrying about all sorts of things.
scared of what will come out of it all.
and i hope everything's alright.
so then i went to amy's today. it was fun. charissa scared the crapp out of me with the idiot hide in the cupboard thing. and wanxiang and cara are super innovative :P i love our doll house. i love salties'06! ((:
i miss you, i miss you tons
Of Infectious Smiles and Randomness.
- Riel
;`7:20 PM
{Thursday, November 09, 2006 YY
funny how i keep blogging precisely around 12AM. =X
im so sorry, i didnt know it was you. i know you said i neednt be sorry but i still am. oh dearr oh dearr i feeel terrible. ): im so sorry..
today's been a strange day. one that somehow i cannot describe because there isnt really any word for it. it's crazy how much i want to go back to sleep the moment i wake up. some people say i'm running away from those things that bother me, some people say that i'm just a pig. but whatever. i guess maybe i'm running away or maybe i just woke up feeling nothing, just blank. and that is sometimes one of the best feeling one could ever feel. sometimes that is. because that beats what im feeling now.
im so sorry.
and this post wasnt supposed to be like this. im not supposed to be feeling like this. this isnt how it's supposed it be. it wasnt how i wanted it to turn out. BAHH. another one of the many emo post. ):
yet again.
and i dont know what else i can say besides im really sorry. because i really am.
silly me, silly you
- Riel
are you feeling okay? I wonder. ..
;`12:19 AM
{Wednesday, November 08, 2006 YY
and the girl in my dream, she stares out searching, searching for something. something that maybe to her wasnt there.
and that girl in my dream, she silently cries, for something she thought she lost. she reaches out slowly, then draws her hand back. she gives up not knowing that she lost nothing, not knowing that all this while, it had been there, just that maybe she couldnt see it. or maybe sometimes it just got lost on its own.
the girl in my dreams, she's afraid, she's on guard and she wont let anyone through, she wont allow anyone, not even you, to see right through her.
the girl in my dreams, she's vulnerable, yet she braves on. she stays strong. she stumbles as she walks down the path ahead of her but yet she stands again. with two feet on the ground, she walks away, she walks ahead. she doesnt turn back. if only she would, she would have seen what she was finding all along, if only she looked back just once, she would have seen what she thought she lost. her backview fades as she continues her journey ahead. she's distancing from me, she's disappearing.
the girl in my dream, when will i see you again? tomorrow? tonight? the day after? whichever, i hope that just this time, won't you turn back? won't you smile? wont you reach out your hand once again and learn to trust?
dont let go.
.
and today's been a different day. one that worries me, one that scares me. what exactly is happening? or rather, what exactly happened? so many idiot questions yet not enough answers, not enough courage to ask.
How can you know what could've been
On a cold and lonely night
and i've been doing just fine;
- Riel
.
;`12:18 AM
{Monday, November 06, 2006 YY
and everything happens for a reason right? doesnt it? you have your reasons dont you? so i can make amends. so i can make a difference. this year passed fast and i dont even feel accomplished. because if you think about it, i have done nothing for you. not entirely, really. because i could have done so much more. those things you want me to do, i will step up. i will do something. not just when it's too late. but when i do it, i promise to make you proud. ((:
and i shall do yet another quiz because i have nothing better to do. =X and not really much of a mood to blog about something significantt. =/ i'm not really sure if i've done it before but yeahh i'll still do it anyway.
--
IN THE PAST 24HOURS HAVE YOU :
1) Cried:
yupps, thanks to weiwen's fic. =X
2) Wore Jeans:
nope. been at home the whole day ):
3) Met someone:
my family, cousins...
4) Done laundry:
nope. hehhs.
5) Went Hungry:
not really. no appetite.
6) Talked on the phone:
yeahh miss gan called. HAHA.
7) Said I love you:
yupps.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
8) Yourself:
i think so.
9) Your friends:
yeahh.
10) Tooth Fairy:
nope.
11) Destiny/ Fate:
mms, i dont think so.
12) Ghosts:
not that kind.
13) UFO:
err no?
FRIENDS AND LIFE:
14) Do you ever wished you had another name?:
of course. who would like to be called Ariel and get called mermaid or whatever thing and have their names pronounced in so many different ways. but for now, i like it just fine (:
15) Do you like anyone?:
now or then? everyone's bound to like someone at a certain point of time right?
16) Which one of your friends acts most like you:
none, really. haha (:
17) When you cried the most who was there:
God. he's always there (:
18) Whats the best feeling in the world?:
being touched my god. experiencing him in such a powerful way ((:
19) Whats the worst feeling in the world? :
a wave of negativity, inferior complexity, melancholy, emptiness, numbness, yearning, longing, missing, fear, doubt, pain all add together.
20) What time is it now?:
10.25pm
WHICH IS BETTER:
21) Chocolate or Vanilla:
chocolate, definitely.
22) Coke or pepsi:
coke.
23) Love or LUST:
Love. -.-
24) Macs or Kfc:
unhealthy food. =X depends.
25) Single or group dates:
depends on who i'm with.
26) Adidas or Nike:
adidas?
27) Lipton Tea or Nestea:
Lipton
28) Cauppucino or coffee:
both is fine (:
DO YOU:
29) Smoke:
of course not.
30) Curse:
i dont think so. i'm trying to stop saying 'shit' hehe.
31) Take a shower:
yeah.
32) Have a crush:
question need not be answered as it is asked too frequently. -.-
33) Think you've been in love:
Yeah, with God. i love god ((:
34) Liked school:
yeahh.
35) Want to get married:
yupps. i think most of us do right?
36) Think you're a health freak:
not really.
IN THE PAST MONTH:
37) drink alcohol:
nope.
38) Gone to the mall:
yeahh.
39) Been on stage:
nope.
40) Eaten sushi:
yupps. with benn, e shyen and fiona ((:
41) Been dumped:
no -.-
42) Gone skating:
next week (:
43) Dyed your hair:
nope.
44) Changed who you want to be:
i dont think so.
45) I love:
God and anyone and everyone who loves me ((:
46) I hide:
my wallet from my lil brother so that he wont steal all my money. HEH.
47) I miss:
a lot of people actually. especially YOU (:
48) I need:
to see step up soon and go for camp and see YOU soon ((: and to see her okay and happy and NOT like this.
there, i'm done. that was quite long i think.
folding stars has been like a routine for me. and i'm starting to read fics agn. YAY! (: i need a nice chinese name quite badly because i'm lazy to think or rather i've ran out of ideas AND i suck hahas. ((:
and i talked to someone really interesting yesterday. it's funny how people do the weirdest thing just to befriend you, to get you to notice them. it's funny how the people you thought were really a bunch of act cool jerks are quite harmless really. people say first impressions are really important but i guess maybe it just takes time for us to finally find out who they really are. ((: oh wells.
little superhero girl
- Riel
;`10:13 PM
{Friday, November 03, 2006 YY
and yet another quiz thing...
1.Full Name: Ariel Tan Hui Juan
2.Name backwards: leira
3.Meaning of name: Lioness of God
4. Nickname: Riel
5. Screen Name: ARIEL
6. D.O.B: 11th January 1993. it's coming ((:
7. Place of Birth: Singapore
8. Nationality: singaporean
9. Current Location: Bukit Timah
10. Star Sign: Capricorn
11. Religion: christian
12. Height: )): SHORTT.
13. Weight: HEAVYY. )):
14. Shoe Size: small?
15. Hair Color: black,dark browishhh.
16. Eye Color: black brown.
17. Who do you look like: o.O
18. Innie or Outtie: Innie i guess.
19. Lefty or Righty: Righty
20. Gay, Straight, Bi or Others: straight
21. Best Friends: hmm, godd.benn.
22.Best friends you trust most: both bahh
23. Favourite Pals: Jo.gidd.Merr.xue.abby.yeoww.dee.gene.chet.sherr etcc..
24. Best Friend of opposite sex: usedd to then he disappearedd haha.
25. Best Buddies: is there a difference?
26. Boyfriend or Girlfriend: -.-
27. Crush: ehh?
28. Parents: Rose and Michael
29. Worst Enemy: the devil
30. Favourite online guy: Gidd, Eugene, danyeoww
31. Favourite online girl: Benn, jo, dee
32. Craziest friend: Jo?
33. Advice Friend: Benn
34. Loudest Friend: Merr
35. Person you cry with: Me? Myself and I?
36. Any sisters: sadly, no.
37. Any brothers: TWO. ben and tim
38. Any disease: no.
39. WHERE'S IT?
40. Pager: nope.
41. Personal phone line: nope
42. Phone: uh huh.
43. Lava Lamp: nope.
44. Pool or hot tub: which do i prefer?? or waht?
45. A car: next time.
46. Your personality: EMO. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL. quote my brother, 'stoney'
47. Driving: not yet?
48. Room: shared with timm.
49. Whats missing: something.
50. School: MG
51. Bed: double deckerr.
52. Relationship with parents: Okay.
53. Believe in yourself: Yupps
54. Believe in love at first sight: dont think so?
55. Good listener: dunno
56. Get along well with parents: sort of.
57. Save e-mail convos: should be. unless it's crapp.
58. Pray: yeahh
59. Believe in reincarnation: no.
60. Make fun of people: like teasing? yeahh.
61. Like to talk on the phone: sometimes?
62. Want to get married: who doesnt?
63. Like to drive: DAYTONA ((:
64. Motion Sickness: on the boat =X
65. Eat stem of broccoli: yupps.
66. Eat chicken with fork: dont like. but i eat pizza with a fork and knife ((:
67. Dream in colours: i think so.
68. Type with your fingers on home role: do i?
69. Sleep with stuff animals: Yupps
70. Next to you: Bible, STARS.
71. On the walls of your room: paint.
72. On your mousepad: mouse
73. Dream car: Lambo.
74. Dream date: somewhere romantic i guess.
75. Dream honeymoon spot: paris or italy or somethinggg.
76. Dream husband or wife: Errr. ((:
77. Bedtime: LATE
78. Under your bed: Timmy's bed.
79. Single most important question: i cant think of any right now =X
80. Bad time of the day: morning.
81. Your worst fear: i have a whole list :P
82. The weather: humid.
83. Time: 8.54pm
84. Date: 3 Nov 2006
85. Best trick did on someone: April fool's joke?HAHA
86. Theme song: Michael Buble - Home
87. Hardest thing about growing up: Change.
88. Funniest experience: not sure.
89. Scariest experience: The stupid website eugene teo sent me. -.-"
90. Silliest thing you have ever said: =X weird STUFF! tskk.
91. Most desperate and funniest thing i have done to get the opposite sex: -.-
92. Scariest thing while you are with your friends: dont knoww
93. Worst feeling: getting hurt. missing people you love.
94. Best feeling in the world: Being touched by god ((:
Whoever wants to do it can do it too ((:
the holidays have started. things are changing and i'm just .. not very myself anymore. HAHA. and gidd's a wonderful genius! ((:
let''s see, interesting facts that i learnt today.
#1. My older brother does weird things when he is high or plain boredd.
#2. Jo and Benn are schemerrs.
#3. Being attatched to your phone is NOT good.
#4. Staring at your phone, waiting for it to vibrate is dumb, especially since you know it wontt.
#5. Folding stars is fun but painful, especially on the pointerr finger andd thumbb.
#6. I get hungry easily
#7. When insane, i talk a whole load of crapp that's not supposedd to be understandable.
there, i cant blog now. not in the mood anymore =/ BLEAHH.
blank.
- Riel
;`8:40 PM