{Thursday, August 30, 2007 YY
Let Go and Let God.
In everything, Go for God.
and then i'm thinking and i think of the day that God broke me.
the day he gave me the strength that i thought i'd never have
the day he assured me that i was going to pull through with him.
and then there were other days when he told me he loved.
just three words.
or maybe seven.
"i love you so much dear girl."
and then when he told me he'd never let me go.
that he'd catch me.
that i needn't keep trying to be so strong.
that id never land without him as my support
that i just had to let him do the work.
the catching.
the comforting
the sheltering. themending
and then finally it took so long to realise how much ive tried.
how hard i tried to hold on.
to be strong.
and it took me so long to just take time to turn back
to see that he's there. you're there.
that you're my strength.
i needn't struggle.
you're my help.
always and forever.
and the times i laid in bed sometimes empty
sometimes in tears.
sometimes tired
sometimes scared
and there you will be.
i guess ignorant am i to miss out the fact that i'll be alright because i have you.
and that in everything that i go through,
i'm not alone.
i depend on you.
i love you tons daddy.
cause you never fail to assure me, to care, to love, to embrace, to break me
to just speak and hear me tremble, hear me cry, watch me crumble.
and then there you go.
you catch me.
you're all i ever need.
i cant even comprehend what life will be for me without you.
i cannot live without you.
my superhero dad.
Jesus you're the reason i'm kneeling again at your throne
hmms, yeah, i dont know i guess i just had the urge to type all that down. cause really he's been so awesome. and he's really the reason i'm even living. these months been tough, and the year's ending with eoys and all. but i'll be alright with God. focussed, strengthen, assured.
i'm going to do alright with God ((:
and though im definitely not prepared for eoys yet. and if it was tmrw, i'd most probably fail without a doubt. but i'm sure i'll be able to do just right. confident? i dont know but one thing i know is that he'll pull me through. and obviously i have to start revision soon. GAHH. the horror.
that's that for now. ((: i'm in a particularly happy mood. and spending time reading blogs, i realise that maybe yes i'm emo. and emo sometimes can be really annoying but the worlds filled with so many more people going through so much more than i am and the down side is that they don't know the God that i do. and for even those who do, they fail to see that he's there.
it's time to shine.
it's time to show the world that they have someone to hold on to while falling.
.
and for you dearest, please if you set your mind to it, please do it. i dont mind trying, nagging, convincing, hoping cause i think it's worth it. and through the disappointments. i pray that it actually sounds one of your heart strings, and that you'd really really change for the better. for forever, not just a while. but for an eternity. he's not done with you yet. gosh, maybe he hasn't even started. dont throw your life away. dont.
.
you're the reason i live
- Riel
Labels: God LOVEE
;`10:44 PM
{Friday, August 17, 2007 YY
and E learning officially SUCKS! lead just majorly sucks!
first of all, the mark counter thing is hopelessly retarded cause they mark you wrong when you're correct.
and then the stupid history test was crap. i spent 3 over hours trying to even put those stupid events in chronological order and xing out all the red herrings and then when i submitted. WOW! i got a wonderful B3. )): okay so that's not so bad, but then when i checked the test record thing it says i nearly failed.
DRASTICITY in marks. wow. how wonderful is lead. it ought to close down. plus the stupid bio marks are wrong too. RAWRR
ah wells, i'm just venting my anger on the stupid web. it really sucks. and the history test is really sucky as well. and my higher chi test results well, i can just forget about passing already LOL. pshh, there goes my friday. spent getting mad at LEAD and idiotic stupefied subjects. i'll be alright in 5 minutes or less. hmms.
on the other hand, mummy's birthday yesterday was rather nice. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! ((: thanks for all that you do for me and all the sacrifices you always make for me. (your sleep especially) i pray that you will get well soon cause you're much too important for me to lose. i love you mummy!
oh right and then we went to eat lunch together and shopped ((: yay. and after that i went to geri's to play tennis. who knew i could play. TSKK. actually it was quite horrible. but it was fun i guess. probably because of the company and i wasnt the only one who sucked so AH WELLS (: i love amelia! haha. we make the coolest doubles partner! cause we both suck PSHH. ((:
funny funny.
(Riel smacks the moth with a tennis racquet)
Me; oh crapp where'd it go
Amelia; Behind you (goes to pick a ball)
Me; right (moth flys, i scream)
Amelia; (shakes head and walks back with a ball) are you sure it's a moth it looks like a feather.
(she walks next to it, it flies and)
"AHHHHHH!"
(she screams TSKK!)
LOL. that was super priceless. and that's what happens when you don't believe me heh! ((:
chicken backside. Tskk tskk.
and then there's that feeling like the ________ feeling. why blank? cause maybe there just isn't any word to describe it. or is there?
betrayal.
but anyways, it doesnt matter now. cause i saw it coming. and i'm okay with it. i'm just wondering if it wouldve been better if i had steered further away, if i was smart enough to realise this would happen in the end. and then maybe i wouldnt have lost a close friend but merely just an acquaintance. and maybe it'd feel different. less significant. less ________. but then again there's always god's plans that i know i hold on so tightly to. ((:
"For i know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
and your plans lord will never be to harm me.
i rest in you ((:
anyways, i guess maybe the worst thing isnt the feeling but more of the fact that i lost a close friend. a good friend. someone that i thought would always be there for me. and maybe that was wrong. maybe i took your existence for granted. and then maybe i never really appreciated you enough. but then with all this said and done, all the flashbacks of us talking crapp and laughing. all the spasticated times, they were memorable and funny. ultra lame and stupid. and they were definitely appreciated. but yeah, for all the times that i never thanked you for being there. thank you. cause you
somewhat emo eh? aww, shan't ruin people's mood. hmms, i finally got ECLIPSE! ((:
like after weeks of waiting because i stupidly thought that they would come out with a soft covered one which would be so much cheaper, they didnt. and they'd probably only come out in 6 months time which is way too long for me to wait so, i got it ((: yay! and so far, i slept at 3 plus cause i was reading the book. hmms, and i wouldve continued if only my eyes werent giving way to sleep. TSKK.
anyways EDWARD CULLEN ((:
pshh. he's ultra sweet. WHOO.
he's so charming. too bad he's fictional. TSKK
and Lord, you sustain me
- Riel
;`3:53 PM
{Monday, August 13, 2007 YY
and i hope it's not too late to wish you dearest amelia goh a happy birthday!
LOVEE.
will post a picture of us up soon and all but yeah, you dear girl, here's a post.
Amiable
Mad
Evil genius
Lame
Idiotically spastic
Attractive in God's eyes
yeah and that's for you dear amelia goh. i won't repeat what ive said in the letter i gave you which is alot of stuff but yupp, i'm glad to have met you dear girl and sitting next to you has been a real joy. like it's been ultra funny. and it's all your fault miss or says i'm not focused. TSKK. you laugh too much i suppose. and you are blessed with an EXTREMELY sensative funny bone lol! okays anyways, i wish all the best in your future endeavours and pray that you'd continuously shine so bright for God. time to rise up dearest!
love you tons!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! once again.
post specialy for you.
and it's been four
-Riel
;`11:53 PM
{ YY
and dear since you posted just for me i'll do one for you too. sherrteosuyun.
and yes i still remember how to write your chinese name. and all the weird particulars of yours TSKK. SEVEN years dear, and time seems to have gone by so quickly. i miss the good old days!
In 6A, when you'd sit next to me because there weren't any seats left. and you were LOUD! and frankly speaking, i'd always thought you were insane. haha! and funny how we ended up in the same english class cause you sucked at english. bahah. if it's any consolation, i sucked too. and i still remember we did this journal thing where both of us called her* a 'copycatter' whatever that was. and boy were we really that childish. tskk tskk.
and then i moved. BOO. it wasn't my choice okay. and even so, you didnt even sit the bus on the last day and so, there was no goodbye. ALL YOUR FAULT! lol. hmms, and yes we only started talking in P4, probably towards the end of the year, but i must say letters from her* were practically about you anyways.
one word; STALKER! lol. everybody just loved you larr. i wonder why. hah!
Yeah, and in p5, hmms, that long long road of quarrels, laughter, tears and well practically everything. i remember we'd always have letter quarrels and evil you would always DAO me. how fun eh? and then it'd end with us arguing over who started daoing who first. haha! so CHILDISH!
and so much for C.A.S.S eh? it disbanded! and i wonder who's fault it was; most probably yours again. LOL!
and and and, when i first got my heart broken. sort of. actually it was more of when i first broke someone's heart. hah! you were there and you purposely sent me a letter which went along the lines of "he dont want you, i still want you" or sth! WHAHA! nonsense man. lame lame lame! and you signed off as "your beloved bf, sherlynn" at the same time asking why it sounded like a girl's name! LOSERR!!
and we used to want to stay together in a HUGE house. like a bungalow, and now thinking about it, who wouldve bought it ah?! Tskk. us little kids making big dreams. oh oh and when you didnt finish your art and i gave you my bouquet and narrelle came in and teased you about him* and the most hilarious thing was that you blushed like a RED tomato! LOLL!
the most hilarious thing though was the fights. the blanko one was retarded. it's YOUR FAULT and you so know it. LOL. and then there were all the literally painful letters which come to think of it was downright CHILDISH. mhmm. and the diary thing. it was your fault you JEALOUS poot. heh. not my fault my hand writing was small. TSK. that was super LAMEE.
but there were a million of times over when you'd help me copy down notes and corrections and stuff, when i was sick and all you'd always walk to my house to pass it to me (: then again i did the same and you'd NEVER even invite me into your house. EVIL!! tskk. and when you came to my house to 'console' me when i cut my hair, (which was a horrible mistake) it was more like you and my brother making fun of me while eating ALL my lime green nice nice icecream! tskkk.
Oi! and you and YOUR people totally left me out in the science centre kay! i didnt even get to see the moon and i sat by MYSELF. sherr = evil. TSKK. then again i was probably pissed off at you and thus begin our huge commotion where she* would 'steal' you for recess. mhmm. i think we were total LOSERS larr. haha! i miss sitting next to you!
and we had the vow/pact thing. do you still remember?
and yeah, thank you for pulling me through 1.6 in P5 when i was having my yeah. and we got the same timing (: pshh. I LOVE YOU MAN. you're probably the only person who'd be stupid enough to stop and to drag me through the last round. ((:
i still remember patting the wrong little girl. it was really, really hilarious. gosh i won't ever forget how embarrassing it was. and you didnt make it any better. you practically laughed your head off larr. actually i was laughing harder than you were. heh! funny, funny. and when you gave me all your autographs cause you so thought you'd be some STAR! rawrr. EGO!
and we have 8 or 9 forever friends 2 part keychain. and we took a million and one neos on my birthday. this post is ending there's so many more things i can think about that is really LAME (like you heh!) and all the funny things i can swan you for. ((: and the poem! which you totally embarrassed me by posting it on your blog RAWRR! i was p5 man. i sucked at rhyming! it didnt make any sense anywyas. but yes, to refresh your memory, here's a sneak peek! i know you'll kill me for this. tit for tat! like how you dropped my sticker book into the hole! there you go;
once i met you,
i didn't know what to do,
i wanted to be your friend,
but i didnt know how.
cause i was just a stupid cow.
then i took the courage and went up to you,
after i talked to you, i found you so cool!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
cause i can't live without you
without you, my happy days are few
so i hope you won't leave me,
and hope that friends forever we will be!
mind you, we weren't les and and, i found it uber cute. it still is dearest! and i cannot tell you how much fun through angst and what nots that i had throughout all the years of knowing you (: I LOVE YOU TONS BESTIE! ((: and you so must appreciate this post, it's once in a lifetime thing okay. cause i gave up my precious sleep just for YOU!
LOVEE.
- Riel
Labels: SHERR ((:, the old times
;`2:41 PM
{Friday, August 10, 2007 YY
Caution: you can skip this if you want to, doesnt really matter.
and maybe it's because of the capacity of love that i have. that maybe i care too much. and maybe just maybe that isnt exactly all that good. is it really?
and my second post of the day. i suppose but it's a pretty annoyingly sad one maybe? funny how just hours after a happy post, i suddenly post about something not as happy. but it doenst really matter anymore. since im already typing anyways. and there i go ranting;
Dear ________,
i dont know why i'm not freaked. maybe it's because you think and know that everyone else will freak. that maybe it's because i dont want to be like the rest, that maybe it's because i just want to always be there for you. that maybe it's because i care so much that i dont see you any less than what you were and what you are. people do make mistakes. some make minor ones, some make extreme ones, ones that they will remember their entire lives but even so, people learn from their mistakes too. people change over time, people get second chances too. God is a giver of second chances. no matter what you did. no matter how extreme it may seem to be, he'll give you the second chance. chances after chances. if he sent his son, his BELOVED son to die on the cross for you, what more will he not do for you. you may feel unworthy of his love, but hey, it's not true. those are lies that the devil wants you to believe. those are lies. you're worthy dear. you are. i dont know how to make you feel better but i hope those words of encouragement of comfort, the listening ear was enough. maybe i'll never know how you exactly feel like, shame, pain, regret and all. but that doesnt mean i dont care. that doesnt mean i cant worry, that doesnt mean i wont feel a bit of it. cause i do. you my dear child, you're so precious to God you know that? you're no less of any person. and i dont see you as someone unworthy of being my friend. you made a mistake. and it's time to make the amends. it's not too late. it's going to be alright. i'll be there through it all. praying, encouraging, caring, loving. all the way. cause i know one day you will rise up and be so strong in your faith. one day dear. he's giving you a second chance, will you take it? will you first forgive yourself? will you first learn to really really depend on him, rest in his arms, bask in his presence, soak in his love and acceptance? will you first let him remind you that he loves you no less. that even though wrong, he forgives. even though wrong, he doesnt push you away.
be strong and take heart dear. but that doesnt mean you should keep it to yourself. that doesnt mean you have to force yourself to smile, that doesnt mean you have to always pretend to be alright when you're not. let it go dear, let it out. it's time to cry, it's time to let go. it's time to learn from the mistake and it's time to let your daddy pick you up. it's okay you're frail now, but he's there. every step of the way. with you. loving you, carrying you. i love you tons my dear friend. and i worry for you. but i believe in you and i trust you. and i know that you will change because i believe so. so have faith in yourself. that the situation will shift. dont mask your feelings any longer. unmask them for god. let him deal with the pain. let him carry your burden. it's going to be alright. confrontations will lead to pain, to self assesment, to make you feel so much worse but hey, they help. cause you can learn from it. you can change. it's not too late. i love you so, so, so much dear and i pray that everything will be okay, much more than okay, i pray that you will find your rest, your comfort in him again.
always there for you dearest. cause you matter a lot to me.
seriously, i dont know why i said all that. i guess it was just what i wanted to say in my heart. there's so much more. but then it's okay. i'll just leave it unsaid. and with all that said and done. i hope it encourages you. i dont even know whether you'll even read this. but if you do, then i guess hear me out and understand my heart. that all i want is that you be alright. and that you'll stop turning to what nots to help you through. but that you'd turn to god, to your daddy. even in times when you feel so far away from him. he's there. and you will find him when you seek him with all your heart.for it is written so. you will find him dear, you will.
Much love,
Riel
;`11:02 PM
{ YY
my first august post. oh wow ((: it seems i've been gone a pretty long time. aww, i sort of miss blogging for a bit. but then again, ive just been too caught up with watching all my chinese serial drama. it's been pretty much a routine for me to watch the ones at 7 and at 9pm. ah wells. it's showing now i guess but i'm just not in the mood for it. irony.
but on the other hand my record breaking record. LOL. 30 episodes, 20 discs in three days. i love love chinese serial dramas. though i know end years are coming but i didnt know it'd be that addictive. or did i? tskk. but ah wells. now that it's ended and everything, i feel BORED. really bored )):
Chinese Serial Drama Withdrawal Symtoms. ARGH. on the other other hand,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!
a once third world country, with out a hope. have grown and birthed into a first world, technologic and busy country. awesome it is. may you continue to advance and that even as you advance that more people will come to know the lord and that we'd be prosperous because of the blessings that comes from he who loves us so. ((:
Wednesday was fun, though i missed prayer meeting and all. not that i actually knew there was till about 5 something. but yeah, friday was fun ((: happy birthday felicia. hmms, and the usual bunch of beloved people, i love you guys tons. it was really fun. playing weird games and talking and everything. billard was like FUNNEH and though we all sucked at least we all had fun eh? yupp and though evil amelia and michelle have decided to abandon us, i pray that we'd still continue to be that close. this close. like how we are now. ((:
Pictures!
LOVEE. happy birthday in advance amelia dear.
and just the few of US
Amelia's Aunt's amusing Mat
Attempt number One to take a photo TOGETHER. 成功！
they so look like couples. FUNNY ((:
more pictures another time. heh. LAZY.
hmms, today was ultimately, awesome. and one thing i cannot ever deny is that prayer works wonders. i was scared, i was afraid, i was anxious and nervous and yet, when i seeked you, you were there. when i called out, you calmed me down. you comforted my fears, sheltered my doubts. you've been with me through it all. and even as step by step i walk in, you step by step guide me. your presence lord, is all that i needed. thank you for being there. i guess i cannot say that it was scary, cause it never was and pastor gary was REALLY nice too!
Yeah, my superhero daddy you do work wonders. i love, love, love you ((:
PSHH i'm starting to miss people. yeah, so many people i havent talked TALKED to. we need to catch up dearies. like benn, whom i actually spoke to for a while today LOL. surprisingly. Gid who's just been i wonder where. TSK. Jo whom i've talked to already but there's still so much i want to say. Chet, the dearest whom ive always needed to talked to just never got down to actually doing so. PSHH. crabs whom i havet had much of a decent talk with after those issues. Sherr who spends most of her time in water than on land HAH! Xue and abby whom i see every week and yet fail to have those heart to heart talks with. dearies, you guys have to open up man. always here for you guys. Jeann jie, who's studying really hard for prelims. it's kinda sucky that i hardly see you anymore. the sec 4 SALTIES who's brought so much joy in every SALT session, danyeow, who like i dont really talk to anymore ever since school started and all. ): the PL darlings who i just dont see in church anymore ): BOO. email me or i'll just start emailing all of you heh. Geri, who've already left for BATAM. Amelia whom i dont really miss (since i saw you two days in a row dearest heh) but it's just to make her happy that her name's on the i miss you list ((: Mo didi, who well i care a lot for. be good ah! Mergii, who's as busy as benn aix. Faith dearest whom i havent seen since ages. )): hope everything's been great there. Wanhui and chloe whom i LOVEE thees. and so many more, but i dont feel like writing anymore LOLs.
anyways that was lengthy. ah wells. God's been good. YAY! ((:
"i can do all things through christ who stregthens me."
and i learnt this secret today. this secret that i learnt from Paul. and that's to be contented in any and every situation of my life. be it through sufferings or affliction, i will be happy. for your joy is my strength ((: LOVEE.
and then i will rise up
- Riel
Labels: God ((:, interview, missing, party
;`7:27 PM